The one death scene in a movie that had a devastating impact on my childhood psyche

(photo courtesy of  thesmokinggun.com)

The death scene I am referring to occurred in Malcolm X (1992) and involved the death of the titular character.  I watched the film for the first time in 1994 (I was 8 years old) on cable TV which was still a big thing at the time in Jamaica. Cable TV opened my eyes to the world of movies like never before particularly as I began watching films with more mature themes for the first time on such a consistent basis. Even though when I look back and realize that some of these films were atrocious it was exciting to see how adults behaved when they were not around young people like myself. I didn't focus on whether a movie was good or not; I focused on how these adults interacted in a R-rated setting. Well along comes Malcolm X and I never realized how unprepared I was for what was to come. I understood that it was based on a true story and Denzel Washington’s performance was so incredible that I assumed I was watching Malcolm X himself and didn't think twice about questioning that it was an actor in front of the camera or about assessing how good the performance was. My impressionable mind assumed that I was watching Brother Malcolm in full swing. The film built to such a crescendo that I wanted to cry out yet I remained muted. The crescendo reached its peak for me when it was certain that Malcolm was going to be killed or people (the muslim brotherhood) were definitely planning for his death. I was  stressed out emotionally and Spike Lee did not help. On the day he is about to be murdered spike lee includes the song ‘A change is gonna come’ by Sam cooke. It brought back to mind where Malcolm was coming from. There is also a scene just before he enters his mosque when a woman asks him what is the problem and makes reference to the evident levels of stress he is displaying. Malcolm knows what is coming but he must still go out there because he has to show that he is not afraid of his own people. He demonstrates his stress level when he raises his voice at one of the female assistants but still manages to apologize right before he is to go out and lecture or make his final address to the congregation. Then the time came and as he spoke you heard the familiar cry to create a distraction ‘get your hand out of my pocket.’ There is some explosion and there is confusion in the congregation. When the armed members of the brother hood approach Malcolm on the stage he stays his ground. They shoot him and he falls but they continue shooting  him and that made it even more overwhelming because I never knew that such a famous person could be killed in such a brutal fashion. When the thugs try to escape I was hoping that the crowd would kill them.

That scene was devastating for me because I thought I was witnessing the actual death of Malcolm X. I didn’t cry when i first saw it but I was in a state of shock and experiencing heart palpitations. Years later I have read the autobiography and read various accounts about his death but that scene was so vividly created in my mind that I finally understood that the world of adults is a brutal one. I thought he would get away because he was the star but that scene was the first time when I saw the star being so brutally murdered especially as he was a famous real live person.  It made me truly afraid about what we are capable of doing to each other as human beings. It also made me very wary of my own situation and I believe that it was the starting point where I began to break from the realm of fantasy.